From A Felony to High Fidelity
Newsletter Vol 2 - Sep 1, 2025
Meet the Misfits Running This Kitchen
An image of an employee at Cacao Chemistry sprinkling chocolate into a food processor
While you’re savoring truffles, let me show you the ugly side of the kitchen: the gear that somehow keeps us alive.
Name: Robocop
Role: Food processor
Make: Robot Coupe, comically small edition
I bought him in 2017 from a guy in a parking lot so sketchy I had to write my own receipt. No eye contact. Just cash, a trunk, and a silent agreement we’d never speak of this again.
Robocop is too small for my hot chocolate mixes, so we split every batch into toddler portions. He whirs like he’s one spin away from a breakdown and smells faintly like melted Legos. And I love him.
Someone even hand-sharpened his blade. That’s commitment—or codependency. Either way, he’s family now.
A photo of a La San Marco SM-90 commercial espresso grinder
Name: Bertha
Role: Espresso grinder
Make: La San Marco SM90, mid-90s tank
Personality: Divorcee energy. Doesn’t like being touched.
Bertha rolled into my life via eBay in 2007. Two hundred bucks, listed as “lightly used.” Cast iron. Built to resemble something from the Bronze Age. Sold by a woman whose husband probably didn’t know she was selling it out from under him. It was my High Fidelity moment.
She hasn’t ground a single professional shot yet—we still don’t have our espresso machine. But she’s waiting. Brooding in the corner like a stray dog that smells faintly of stale espresso.
Why am I telling you this?
Because our chocolate may look polished, but the machinery behind it? It’s duct tape, eBay, and willpower.
These weren’t showroom buys. They’re rescue cases. And unlike some things in this kitchen, they still work.
An image of a scoop of chocolate ice cream made by Cacao Chemistry
GOOD NEWS: Ice Cream is Back!
After months of cursing at the front freezer, it’s finally fixed—just in time for fall.
More importantly, ice cream is back—our ice cream. Made with the same obsessive detail we waste on truffles, only colder, creamier, and destined to drip down your shirt if you’re not quick. The caveat is that we’re only offering two types: vanilla and chocolate.
An image of caramel being poured into a pan
Lab Lessons: Caramel is a Controlled Burn
At sea level, sugar caramelizes at 320°F. Here at 6,000 feet, you hit that point almost 12°F earlier. Not harder—just different math.
Push it far enough, and you get bitterness that balances sweetness. Add salt, and suddenly caramel stops being “candy” and becomes flavor with a capital F.
Go too far and it’s burnt trash. End of story.
An illustration of a hand holding an anthropomorphic popsicle
Event: The Popsicle Promenade
Saturday, Sept 6, 2–5 p.m., downtown Colorado Springs. Dessert tourism with a passport—every stop gives you a frosty treat.
We’ll be one of the stops. Bring a friend, bring wipes, and get your kids their own ticket unless you want to be stared down by a five-year-old with half a popsicle stick.
Featured Maker: Bee Grateful Farm
An image of Honey Caramel Bites on a blue background
From Steamboat Springs, they turn wildflower honey into caramel without refined sugar. Their new Honey Caramel Bites? Just honey, cream, and mix-ins like peanuts, coconut, or coffee beans. No syrups, no junk—just honest caramel graced by responsible bees.
Notes from the Kitchen: Caramelize EVERYTHING.
An image of a pan of salted butter caramels made by Cacao Chemistry
By mid-September, you’ll see a brand-new line of individually wrapped caramels:
Sea Salt
Orange Chai
Nib
Apple Cider
Pumpkin Spice
Bourbon Maple
They’re perfect for counter snacking—or corporate gifts if you want to look generous without effort.
-Sam
Chocolate Handler, Freezer Survivor,
Chronic Caramelizer